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| this morning at about 4 or 5am - i cant exactly remember - i received a phone call from duncan. how strange. he messaged me a month or so ago to see if i was still alive. what is it with these kids from the past popping up from nowhere? he was with dave and kaz. some things never change i guess. duncan was a nice guy, a bit low on the self esteem, but definately nice.
plans i made for last night were soiled by inevitable sleep. the past week i ve only been getting 3 or 4 hours each nights, and a few naps on the bus. i was bound to collapse sometime this weekend. a much awaited. i need to clear my head about a lot of things going on at the moment.
this song is making me emo. may day is making me emo. i feel like a fool, on many levels.
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- 13 hours sleep in 48 hours
- 3 hour italian class
( most of you all may think i should better go to chinese class more than italian class, but i love italian anyway )
- biggest.eyebags.ever
- message confusion
- being at bus stops 15 minutes ahead of schedule
- my italian tutor hates me
- finishing an assessment at 2:30am only to find out it isn't due for another week
- ravikins cut his foot open and now is all bandaged up
- getting hit by a car (no, really)
- out going to have soccer training indoor
i thought that because mum was home that i would be ok, that i would be able to sleep, stay in my room. last night was terrible, i fell asleep for two seconds and my phone woke me. after then i kept hearing shit around the house so i finally got up and walked into mum's room. it was dark, my mother was too asleep to wake, i dont know if i would have woken her, i dont know if she would understand, not many people do. i sat up for ages, freaking out. i don't remember the rest.
life is so complicated. once you think you have it figured out, something else comes along and you realize that there will never be a time that things are just how they seem. people will always change... they will always manipulate... they will always break promises and let you down... its inevitable. you will change, manipulate, break promises, and let others down. as hard as you try, it is impossible to be perfect. i can't do it. i put all my effort, energy, and time into something, but i feel like it's never good enough. i do all i can... pour myself into something, but just me isn't sufficient. it's a miserable feeling. course then you'll have those random days when things are really good.. you feel adequate... your hopes raise a bit and you think things could possibly be looking up, but the next day it's back to the same. disappointment follows as it so often does, and you physically feel your heart drop back into the normal position. you rebuke yourself for letting your hopes get up even a tiny bit and life goes on. it's a never ending cycle. when will i learn to stop thinking things will be different? they won't be. when will i understand that getting my hopes up does nothing but bring on the disappointment i have come to hate so much? so here i go again.... i'm on the down end of the circle, so maybe tomorrow will curve up and a smile filled with false hope will fill my now saddened face.
gosh... i am so sorry that i bring on a big disappointment and letting you down.. it is so complicated somehow... | | |
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*shakes fist*
...................
Gemma says: i know this sounds weird.. but i so wanna try this sometime... take a toke from a joint and lightly blow the smoke on a bald persons head.. attempting to make it stick so it looks like smokey hair lol
Gemma says: yeah!!
William says: hahahahahahahaahaa
Gemma says: lol
William says: omg~ funniest thing i have ever heard ever
Gemma says: ahaha
William says: smokey hair lmfao
Gemma says: i just got shot with a missing you bullet :(
William says: lol
Gemma says: dude i did
Gemma says: that what the warned out brain came up with... anyway i'll be sporting similar attire, but i will be so speedy no one will get a glance.... lmfao
William says: you are criminally cute.
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Ida Scott Taylor once said,
"Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone,
and do not be troubled about the future for it has yet to come,
live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering."
Yesterday, 3 police officers were sitting at a table in a diner next to me, and one of them knocked over his chair while he was getting up. i liked the way it looked so i went to take the picture. He panicked and tried to pick up the chair before i could take the picture.
Policelady (to clumsy policeman): No, leave it, leave it on the floor.
(The policeman picks up the chair)
Me: (to policelady) It's okay, i got it... i got the shot...
Clumsy policeman: Oh... (He puts the chair back on the floor)
Policelady: No... The chair falling on the floor is art. You can't put it back on the floor and think it's gonna be art. It's not the same. It's like, if you see me walk by and trip, it's perfect, but if i try to trip again on purpose it isn't as funny... It's contrived... He was just trying to capture an innocent moment... | | |
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